• kid: dad whats a 69
  • dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

absolvtely:

stop unfollowing me I’m pregnant with your child

popeyasir:

yEa she suckin ur dick but when she go home she rebloggin my textposts so we know who the clear winner is

verticulars:

I think my parents consider me to be a god. Because they always ask me ridiculous questions that I don’t have the answer to.

“Honestly, at the end of the day if you can’t go to bed content with the way things are then you need to get up and fix it before you sleep. Period.”

My parents every time I try to cry myself to sleep. (via psych-facts)

sr